If
you ask me what l really hope to achieve in this New Year, it will be to
master the art of being calm and peaceful at all times. This emotional state is also known as “inner
peace”.
Many
a time, I am not at peace with myself. I get disappointed with myself easily. It
sounds as though I am experiencing a life crisis, but I am quite embarrassed to
admit that it is usually grades that bother me .It can be due to guilt stemming
from not spending time wisely, unsatisfactory grade attained for one of my modules,
an upcoming assignment project or presentation due or even examination the
following day. These reasons above suffice to send me into “panic mode” where I
start to question my goal and priorities in life. Sometimes, I lose sleep and
appetite.
For
instance, when a project is assigned to my team, I will be worried about team
dynamics especially if it is the first time that we are working together. In
the process of doing the project, I will fear that the approach used is incorrect
and the content is lacking. After we have performed due diligence and the
project is completed, I will be anxious about the grade that we will attain. I
am typically a worry wart and this is one aspect that I dislike tremendously about
myself.
Throughout
the years, I have come to realize that fear is a destructive force .When the
element of fear surpasses enthusiasm, everything seems boring and mundane. It
prevents me from unleashing my creativity for I am unable to think clearly. My sole
motivation for completing a task is so that I can avoid punishment such as
getting an unsatisfactory grade rather than enjoying the process of learning
and working together with team mates.
I
have recognised that being overly concerned about grades is unhealthy and it
also puts me under unnecessary pressure. Thus, I will strive to operate differently
from before and enjoy the process of completing tasks that are assigned to me.
Also, I hope to develop passion for my studies. It is my greatest wish to defeat
the big ugly “fear” monster in me and find joy in everything that I do.
